Chapter 1
Friendships, much like prayers, can be imperfect, perfect, or tragic
depending on who is speaking and who is listening.
It was one of those nights where, after killing time for months on end, two
lifetimes worth of life shifting events occurred.
We were standing outside of our favorite club, The Skewer, drinking fortified
wine, MD 20/20, when Marcy saw Brian, Billy, and James arrive. They got out of
the car and Paul walked up shirtless and shouting at James. They traded
obscenities and threats while Billy stood between them attempting to prevent a
clash. Their altercation drew the attention of a Jax Beach patrol car. Marcy
lit a cigarette and said "Excuse me. I have business to attend to."
And she aggressively walked toward Brian who wore an apologetic expression and
posture. I should have tried to stop her, but I was distracted by Lani’s car
pulling into the parking lot. I completely forgot about everything else at that
moment.
"I'm very sorry and I know
you're mad, but please let me explain." He reached out his hand and Marcy
put her cigarette out on his wrist. Brian screamed, drew back his hand and
asked why she did that.
"I'm very sorry, Brian. You see, I've been drinking with Matthew all night
and I'm very clumsy. Where did I get you?" She said as she lit another
cigarette.
Brian presented his wrist.
"Oh! That's very red. It looks like it hurts. I'm so sorry."
"It's OK. It doesn't hurt that bad now."
"No? How about now, you bastard!" Marcy said as she put a second
cigarette out on his wrist, this time refusing to let go as he tried to pull
back. And she held the smoldering cherry to his already wounded wrist.
(13 hours earlier)
Sometimes
when I write, I can feel a person on the other end illustrating.
I was sitting on the steps of the
main building at my high school penning a story I planned to give to a pretty
girl I'd crossed paths with in the hallway the day before. As we crossed paths,
I was blinded by her beauty. I had no idea what to say. I just looked at her,
amazed. She said "Hi, Matthew!" and gave me a big smile. How did she
know me? Why didn't I walk up and talk to her? Instead, I walked off
dumbfounded, mystified, in a trance.
"Whatcha writing?" Marcy asked.
"It's about a tragic boy who means well and prays to God, but his prayers
are only heard and answered by the Devil because no matter how righteous he
tries to be, he was damned by the sins of his murderous, rapist father. I'm
going to give it to the girl I saw yesterday. She said she wanted to read one
of my stories sometime."
"You're going to give one of your messed up, twisted stories to
Lani?"
"Yes. You know her?"
"She's in my typing class. It will never work out, ya know. She's too nice
and you're too odd. You don't talk much and you make most people uncomfortable.
Besides, you're in love with me."
"I do love you Marcy. I love you like a snake handler loves his favorite
viper."
"Mmm! Nice. You should write a love story about poisonous snakes."
"Not now, my love. Today I'm all about the Devil."
At that moment, Brian walked up and gave Marcy a hug and a kiss.
"What's up guys" He asked.
"I was just telling Matthew that I'm breaking up with you and making him
my new boyfriend."
Marcy said as Brian made a sour face.
"And then I'm going to ask her to marry me so we can move to Utah and
become Mormons."
"You don't have to move to Utah to become a Mormon. I'm a Mormon and I
live right here!" Julie said as she walked up and took a seat beside me on
the steps.
"But if we move to Utah, I can marry both you and Marcy. We can live on a
ranch and have 10 children!"
"We don't practice bigamy anymore, smarty. You'd be excommunicated for
that! Besides, I'm not dropping out of high school to marry you. I've met a
guy!"
"Really? Here?"
"No. He's in his first year of college."
"Where'd you meet him?"
"I met him at The Skewer last week."
“The blond guy with corduroys?” I asked.
“The blond guy wearing way too much corduroy?” Marcy added.
“I think the way he dresses is cute!” Julie said. “And tonight, he’s taking me
to Cutters!”
“Bleh.”
“Bleh is right! Cutters? That’s a place for depressing college losers who just
want to get drunk and laid.” Marcy said.
“And the music sucks!” Brian added.
“Isn’t he adorable when he talks?” Said Marcy as she kissed Brian on the cheek.
“Well, I hope you have fun, Julie. You seem to really like him.”
---------------------------------------
Chapter 2
Marcy waited for me after school to ask how things went with the girl I wrote
the story for. She didn’t need to ask because me and Lani walked out together
and started kissing as her dad showed to pick her up from school. He wasn’t
happy to see his daughter kissing some boy he didn’t know. She got in his car
quickly and they drove away.
“Who is that boy?” He asked.
“Just a friend.” Lani said coyly.
“You are never to see him again.”
I stood there smiling and hoping I hadn’t gotten Lani in much trouble when
Marcy walked up and said:
“That went well!”
“It was perfect!” I said.
“You look like you’re in love.”
“I am in love. She’s my dream girl!”
“You’re hopeless. Did you get her number?”
“No. I forgot. I’ll get it tomorrow.”
“Did you get her name?” She mocked.
“Yes! Her name is Lani. We knew each other in junior high. I just didn’t
recognize her right away. She’s in 10th grade, so I hadn’t seen her in a long
time. We used to talk during lunch period" Oblivious to the jab.
“What about me? Don’t you love me anymore?”
“You? What about Brian?”
“He’s just my toy. You’re the one I really love.”
“Oh, shut up. I asked you out on your first day and you told me you were
holding out for a more popular guy.”
“Yes, but you’ve gotten a lot cuter since then.”
“Yes, but I’ve also gotten a lot less popular.”
“It’s a fair trade.”
We laughed as we walked home together until the tone changed suddenly as she
talked about her parent’s divorce. Her mother was moving back to England. She
missed her native country, but she didn’t want to go with her mother. Her
father was staying in Florida. He was in the Navy and could not leave his duty
station over a divorce. He met Marcy’s mother overseas, but it appeared she was
through with the military life of moving from one post to the next. Marcy was
closer to him, but she felt like an outsider living in Florida. She didn’t know
what to do. She blamed her mother for the marriage ending. She didn’t like
living in Florida. She described the people as vile and had only made a few
friends in the year she’d been here.
“I’d go back to England.” I said.
“You want to get rid of me like that?”
“No. But you hate it here. You should patch things up with your mother and go
home. I’m not from this area either and I’d give anything to go back home. But
I can’t. You can.”
“If I do, I’ll be moving back this Summer.”
“I’ll miss you if you do.”
“Oh! You’ve come over all unnecessary now.”
“Wait. What?”
“Haha!”
“You go from one moment sounding completely American and then you use some
British-ism that makes absolutely zero sense. I think you’re being crafty.” I
said with the world’s worst English accent.
“I am a crafty girl indeed.”
As I walked Marcy to her house, I invited her to go out with me and some
friends to The Skewer that night. She said she’d like to, but she had a date
with Brian. I acted confused by this, but said: “Well, if something comes up,
call me. We’re going out at 10.”
---------------------------
Chapter 3
Earlier that day, me and Brian were in PE class playing a light game of one on
one basketball and discussing our plans for the weekend.
“Are you taking Marcy out tonight?”
“Yeah. We’re going to The Skewer. What about you?”
“I’m going to The Skewer, too, but I only have a ride there with Julie and her
new boyfriend. I don’t have a ride home.”
“We can give you a ride home. But I have a lot of errands to run so I can’t
take you there.”
“That’s cool. What are you doing? “
“I’m going to buy Marcy a ring and ask her to marry me after graduation.”
“Whoa! That’s huge.”
“Yeah, I’m really nervous.”
“Wait, how are you going to take her there and buy the ring at the same time?”
“Well… oh, shit. I’m going to have to stall her.”
“You’re going to put her off on a Friday night and then ask her to marry you?
You know she has a bad temper, right?”
“Can you help me out? Distract her, keep her company, and then I’ll show up out
of the blue and ask her to marry me.”
“You’re going to make her think she’s being stood up and then pop the
question?!! Keep her away from sharp objects or you're getting shanked.”
“She won’t if you do your part and distract her long enough for me to take a
knee and propose.”
“This is a really bad idea. I’ll try to help distract her, but if she thinks
you stood her up, she will kick your ass.”
“She will not. I’ve got everything planned out.”
--------------------
Chapter 4
“Oh, my God! Your story was so cute! Kind of weird and scary, but I loved it.
Thank you so much, Matthew!”
“It was my pleasure! Weird and scary, huh? That's how most people would
describe me! Good seeing you again. I didn’t recognize you at first. It’s been
so long. You look great!”
“Oh, thanks.” She said softly and shyly, as we walked from the main building to
the parking lot. Her dad was picking her up from school and probably already
there, so we took the long way around, stopping in places to kiss. It was an
instant connection. The world stopped moving when we kissed. And neither of us
wanted to stop.
“Are you doing anything this weekend?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I want to, but my parents are very strict.”
“Well, if you can get away, I’m going to be at The Skewer tonight. Have you
ever been there?”
“No. What is it?”
“It’s an all age dance club that plays really good music. It’s out at the beach
and a lot of fun. You should come!”
“I’ll try to! Maybe my mom will let me borrow her car.”
“I hope to see you there.”
“Well, that’s my dad. I gotta go. I’ll see you soon?”
“Yes, please! Bye!”
“Bye!”
---------------------------------
Chapter 5
Around 9:30 PM, I got a call from Marcy. She was very upset. Brian told her
he’d pick her up at 6:00 and she hadn’t seen him yet. When she called his
house, his mom told her he left for the night with some of his buddies and she
didn’t expect him back.
“I don’t want to think about that man. I just want to get drunk and have some
fun.” Marcy said.
“Do you have any alcohol?”
“No. But I have a fake ID.”
“Have you ever used it?”
“No. But I’m going to use it tonight. Wanna get drunk?”
“Sure! Why not? We’ll come by and pick you up around 10. But just one thing:
Julie and her boyfriend are Mormons. They don’t drink. So we can’t be obvious.
They wouldn’t approve.”
“Charming.”
“Also, we can’t ride with them home because they’re going to Cutters, so we’ll
have to catch a ride home with someone else.”
“Who?”
“Br… um… eh… “
“Did you almost say Brian?!”
“No. Um, we’ll find someone. Don’t worry. Trust me.”
“OK. I’m trusting you.”
“And don’t get too mad at Brian. I’m sure he has a good reason.”
“Oh! Somebody has a good reason and the person is me! I hope I see him there.”
“OK, killer. Easy, girl! Let’s have fun tonight.”
On the ride over to Marcy’s place, I was introduced to Todd, Julie’s new
favorite man in the world. Todd was a nice guy. He wore his hair short, his
clothing clean, and was as wholesome as Mormon pie. I told Todd and Julie about
what Brian was planning and warned them how angry Marcy was.
“Oh, boy! I bet she’s really mad.” Todd said.
“She’s not going to take it well. What in the world was Brian thinking?” Julie
asked.
“He’s in love and he’s not thinking at all. Worse, he forgot who he’s dealing
with. But I think under all that fire, she’s really hurt, so let’s try to get
her spirits up. She can be a lot of fun, too, when she’s in the right mood.”
We picked up Marcy and she asked if we could stop at a grocery store quickly.
Once we got to the store, Todd and Julie stayed in the car while me and Marcy
walked inside. Marcy was 16 years old and did not look anything like the 23
year old Puerto Rican woman on her ID, so I told her I was going to keep my
distance once she was at the register. I didn’t want to get arrested with her.
She assured me she could pull it off. We walked to the wine isle and she asked:
“What’s the strongest thing they got?”
“Probably the Mad Dog.”
“Mad Dog?”
“MD 20/20 fortified Jewish wine. It’s some rotgut shit, but it will get you
drunk. What do you prefer? Grape or Strawberry?”
“I’ll take one of each, please!”
Marcy picked up two bottles of Mad Dog and walked up to the register while I
circled around trying to appear inconspicuous.
“Can I see your ID, please?” the cashier said accusingly.
“Certainly, mate!” Marcy said in an exaggerated English accent. Apparently,
having an accent made her seem older to cashiers.
“This looks nothing like you!”
“Give that back, you!” She said with a flirty laugh. “I was 8 months up the
duff when it was taken!”
Somehow, it worked. This girl uses strange, foreign expressions. She must be
old enough to drink! He handed her a receipt and gave her a wink and a smile
and we were on our way back to Julie and Todd’s car.
--------------------
Chapter 6
On the way to the Beaches, Marcy couldn’t wait to start drinking. Without a
second thought, she opened the bottle of Grape Mad Dog and started chugging.
I’ve never seen a person drink rotgut wine so fast. Julie and Todd were
uncomfortable, but they didn’t say anything. I continually motioned to Marcy to
put the bottle down, but she just laughed and resumed chugging. She started
asking for Todd to turn up the music and danced in her seat. Suddenly, every
song was her favorite song. Todd was very quiet until he pulled over to pick up
a hitchhiker.
“Hello, brother! Do you need a ride?”
“Yeah. Can you take me to Jax Beach?”
“JAX BEACH?! That’s where we’re headed, mate. Can I sit on your lap?”
“Uh, yeah. Come on in. What’s your
name?”
“I’m Dan.”
“Hi, Dan! I’m pleased to meet you. I’m
Todd, this is Julie, that’s Marcy, and Matthew.”
“Thanks for the ride, y’all!”
The hitchhiker climbed in our backseat and Marcy sat on his lap, bouncing, singing,
and basically gave the old man an under aged lap dance while sharing her bottle
of MD 20/20. Todd, attempting to stabilize the bizarre situation, asked the
hitchhiker if he’d ever read the Book of Mormon and upon learning he hadn’t
Todd offered a copy. Sitting there with a bottle of MD 20/20 in his right hand,
a Book of Mormon in his left hand, and a drunk 16 year old English teenager on
his lap, he smiled a wide, toothless grin and said:
“Damn, y’all. I love Florida!”
-------------
Chapter 7
When we arrived to The Skewer, Todd walked with the hitchhiker to Krystal to
buy him a meal and talk to him about religion. I couldn’t believe how naive he
was. Julie was mad because Todd could have put us all at risk picking up the
hitcher. The guy could be a murderer for all we know! Marcy finished the Grape
Mad Dog and was ready to get started on the Strawberry when Julie walked up and
demanded both an apology for embarrassing her in front of Todd and for a swig
of the wine. Then she asked for a cigarette.
“What’s gotten into you?” Marcy asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to get drunk and smoke a cigarette,
ok?”
Me and Marcy stood there in shock. Julie never drank. She never smoked that we
were aware of and here she was ready to throw down with every vice in arm’s
reach.
“What is going on with you?”
“I’m sorry. In addition to my boyfriend being the kind of idiot who picks up
strange men alongside the road, I just found out my dad is transferring to a
new base. My family will be moving next month. I just met Todd. I love him and
I don’t want to leave.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Not yet. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t known him long enough to feel
this way. But I do. And I don’t want to leave.”
“He knows your dad is in the Navy, right? Maybe you can stay in touch.”
“And have a long distance relationship? It’s bad enough that he’s in college
and I’m in high school, but if we’re not even living in the same city, there’s
no way it will work.” She said as she took the last gulp of the 2nd bottle of
Mad Dog.
“What the hell? Between you two lushes, I barely got a sip!”
Laughing, Marcy and Julie locked arms and walked toward The Skewer singing a
loud, mock version of “What’s Up?” possibly one of the dumbest songs ever
written.
“Oh, Matthew! Don’t just stand there and pout. Come along!” Marcy said just as
Brian's car pulled into the parking lot.
"Well, well, well...."
"Marcy?..."
-------------
Chapter 8
As I heard Brian screaming in pain during his botched proposal, my attention
was on another car that pulled into the parking lot. It was Lani. She made it.
I ran to her car and we began kissing immediately. More moments seemingly
frozen in time. Oblivious to the scene of Marcy scalding Brian, and to James
and Paul doing their best to get thrown in jail, and to Julie walking toward
Todd as he exited the restaurant still talking to Dan, the homeless guy who now
had a bag full of fast food. We walked to the beach, sat down, and kissed some
more near the waves and under the great wide open night time sky.
“So did your parents just let you got out by yourself?”
“No. I told them I was staying the night at my friend’s house.”
“So you’re free for the rest of the night?”
“Uh-huh…” She said with a smile. We kissed under the moonlight for what seemed
like eternity and an instant before Brian and Marcy found us on the beach in
the dunes near the water after one of those long, deep once in a lifetime
discussions.
“We’re getting married, guys!” Brian said as Marcy proudly displayed her shiny
new engagement ring.
“Does it come with a first aid kit?” I asked.
“Oh, shut up, Matthew. You knew and you didn’t tell me? Ya bastard! I got all
worked up.”
“So this means you’re staying in Florida?”
“No. I’m taking Brian with me back to England. OF COURSE I’m staying, ya git!”
And with that, I gave two of my best friends a massive hug.
“Brian is a very lucky man for two reasons. First, he’s lucky you didn’t kill
him. And second, he’s lucky he has you, my dear. Congratulations to the both of
you!”
“Why are we out here? The whole idea was to go to The Skewer and now they close
in an hour!”
We rejoined Julie and Todd who,
after a long, complicated talk, decided to skip Cutters and just hang out with
their regular, non-college friends for the rest of the night and enjoy what
little time they had left to get to know each other before Julie moved away.
The six of us sat together at a booth in the nightclub wondering if a more
imperfect night could feel any more perfect.
---------------
Chapter 9
When she awoke the next morning in Brian's bedroom, Marcy, having blacked out
sometime around her second bottle of Mad Dog, woke up with the feeling she had
done something she'd severely regret. She looked over at Brian, still sleeping,
and wondered how she had ended up in bed yet again with this idiot. And when
she saw the swollen burns on his wrist, she knew that it must have been her
doing. Still, she had no recollection.
Then she became aware of the ring on her left finger and she started to panic.
Brian didn't know her as well as he thought. For one thing, she had been
telling everyone she was a senior in high school and 18 years old, when she was
actually 16 years old. Due to her above average intelligence and the American
school system being behind that of the UK, she'd been placed two grades ahead
of other students her age. She'd spent the entire school year lying about her
age thinking she'd never see any of these people again when she moved back to
England. Although she'd developed a few close friendships, she still had no
intention of revealing too much about her true self while in America.
She had a very complicated home life
she was not ready to bring a man into and besides all of that, she was far too
young to get married. Where would they live? With his parents? Perhaps they
could someday have their own mobile home in a scuzzy trailer park. Wouldn't
that be wonderful? No. The best thing to do would be to leave in a way that
makes him hate her.
Marcy carefully removed the ring and placed it on Brian's dresser. Then she
wrote him a goodbye note:
Brian, mate. I know you think I'm going to marry you, but I'm not. I'm going
back to England soon and I can't be returning with the likes of you. I hope you
understand. You're very sweet, but also very stupid and frankly, I find you
intolerable.
Love,
M
PS
Sorry about the burns, but you
should have known better.
PPS
You're lucky I didn't sell your ring
to a pawn shop! Git!
----------
Chapter 10
Despite their squeaky clean, wholesome appearance, Julie and Todd did things
the previous night in Todd's apartment that would be punishable by
stoning in Old Testament times. And when they woke up, they were staring at
Todd's homeless rescue, Dan, who stared back dressed in his filthy brief cut
underwear while eating an egg sandwich.
Dan was considerably hairy sporting a sort of young mountain man look with a
long, untrimmed beard and dreadlocks. He smoked constantly and swore as often
as he smoked. Dan was an angry person filled with hateful remarks,
condescension, stereotypes, and sexist threats. He had no money, but somehow,
he had a seemingly limitless supply of marijuana. He smoked pot all day long,
but never made him mellow. He seldom bathed or washed his clothing. And he was
a large, sweaty, beastly human being.
In spite of these traits, Todd trusted Dan. He believed in the greater good of
all human beings and that anyone in Dan’s position was there out of bad luck.
God willing, he was going to rescue people like Dan. Bring them to God. He was
going to heal the sick and the poor in God’s name.
Julie wasn’t comfortable around Dan. She didn’t like the way he was eying her,
the way he smelled, or his crude nature in general. There was something about
him that seemed disgusting, evil. And he wore a knife strapped to his ankle.
She couldn’t take her eyes of that weapon. She wanted to run out the door the
moment she saw him, but trusted Todd to keep her safe.
In Todd's neighborhood, prostitutes patrolled the streets, strip bars were the
most visible landmarks, and if a person were looking make an illegal purchase,
all they had to do was stand by a phone booth for a few minutes and wait for
someone to offer. Police were around, but generally did nothing about crime.
They were only there to amuse themselves with the plight of poor people, but
not to help them.
"Looks like you two had some fun last night!" Dan observed while
chewing his sandwich. "When do I get to jump in?"
"Dude! Get out of my room. Private moment."
"Oh, come on, bro. She’s cute and daddy needs some love."
"Dude! Seriously, get out of my room."
“Not until I get my turn with your girl, buddy.” Dan said as he reached for the
blade at his ankle.
---------------------
Chapter 11
“How the hell did this happen?” Paul said as he woke up in a Duval County jail
cell wearing handcuffs and leg clamps. His face and ribs felt heavily bruised
and he was missing a front tooth.
(1 day earlier)
Paul was in the middle of the worst day of his life. He started the day
drinking shots of Scope (vodka mixed with peppermint Schnapps) at his dodgy
truck driver neighbor’s house when he was supposed to be waiting at the bus
stop to go to school. Instead, he missed the first three school periods and
finally woke up sleeping on a filthy couch in the garage. He gathered his books
and walked to school still reeling from the effects of the alcohol.
Once he arrived to school, he was spotted entering the campus by his PE coach
and confronted for skipping. As he reeked of alcohol, he was brought to the
principal’s office and ultimately expelled. Paul was 18 years old and still a
sophomore and he’d been in trouble the entire time he was in high school.
When he arrived home, his mother was waiting for him with the results of a drug
test she’d asked the family doctor the administered earlier in the week and
he’d tested positive for marijuana. This was the fifth time he’d failed a drug
test and as he was now legally an adult, she decided to teach him a lesson by
kicking him out of the house.
He’d spent the rest of the day bumming around with friends not telling them
he’d been kicked out of both school and his him in one day. Rather, he was
looking for anything to get high or drunk with and by 10 o’clock, he was high,
drunk and had just dropped a half hit of acid. Paul had no idea how this
mixture would affect him and half hoped there was a chance he’d die from it.
But he had no such luck.
After wandering into the McDonald’s on Third St in Jax Beach, he started to
order food, but realized he wasn’t hungry, walked into the bathroom, and
started to use the urinal when a manager followed him in and asked him to
finish his business and leave. As the manager shoved him out the door, he was
looking at the dick who forced him to walk in the first place and decided to
confront him. Things got a little hazy after that.
“Ah! Kicked out of yet another fine establishment” Paul said as he started
walking toward The Skewer, where, in the parking lot, he got into it with James
yet again. Billy jumped between them and pointed to the police car watching
them. Paul and James backed off and Paul decided to go into the club, a
seemingly safe place where he’d never been expelled.
When he arrived to the club, everything seemed to be going well as he paid the
cover charge, but while staggering past the dance floor, he tripped over a
person dancing and was so tired, he fell asleep right on the guy.
When he next came to, Paul was sitting outside The Skewer and being told he was
banned from the place. He looked down at his shoes and realized he must have
thrown up at some point, but the details were hazy. Still groggy, he started to
wander to the beach when a cop pointed at him and gestured for him to come
over. Paul pulled out his ID and walked up to the cop.
“Whoa! Hold it right there, kid. Where are you going?”
“I just want to give you something, man.”
“Just move along, son. I don’t have time for you.”
“Naw, man. I just want to give you something.”
Unfortunately, his depth perception was off and he ended up walking straight
into the cop who wasn’t happy to have a vomit soaked teen rub up against him. The
officer shoved him and Paul inexplicably started to swing before getting
tackled by the officer’s partner who was standing behind him.
“I hate the beaches.” The officer said.
“Really? This is why I love Jax Beach!” his partner said as he was handcuffing
Paul. “I think this guy needs leg clamps, too.”
-------------
Chapter 12
Billy was standing with Paul at the bus stop getting ready to go to school,
when their dodgy truck driver neighbor, Travis, invited them over for a few
shots. It was bright and early in the morning, but it sounded like fun, so
Billy and Paul sat down on an old couch in Travis' garage and waited for him to
mix a drink.
"Since it's mornin', we're drinking Scope shots. That way, if anyone
smells your breath they'll just think it's mouthwash."
Billy smelled the mixture of Peppermint Schnapps and vodka and gagged.
"I can't drink this." He said.
"I'll drink it!" Paul said as he snatched away the glass and prepared
to take two shots.
After the shots, Paul's face turned red. His speech started to slur and then he
passed out on the couch with Travis laughing.
"Well, I gotta hit the road." Travis said. "You kids have fun.
I'll be gone for a few weeks. Watch the place for me if you can."
Billy hung around for a few minutes after Travis left, before he got bored and
decided to go to school. He'd get in trouble for being late, but he was only
missing his first period drama class. No big deal.
When he arrived to class, his drama teacher, Miss Gieger, asked him "Why
are you late?"
"Sorry, Miss Gieger. I missed the bus and had to walk."
"Well, I haven't turned in the roll yet, so we'll just say you were on
time. Sound good to you?"
"Yes! Thank you so much. You're the best."
A couple hours later during lunch period, Derek sat next to Billy and said:
"Hey, man! For five bucks, I'll sell you these two baseball cards. Whadya
say?"
Derek handed him two baseball cards taped together with a half hit of blue
blotter acid wrapped in foil. Billy smiled and handed him a five dollar bill
and put the cards in his back pocket. For the rest of the day, the contents
worried him. Billy had never used drugs before and was afraid of them, but his
there was so much anti-drug propaganda being pushed on them at school, he was
curious.
After school, Billy walked home with his buddies, James and Brian, where they
planned out their evening.
"Are you really going to ask Marcy to marry you?" James asked Brian.
"Yeah! We need to go by the jewelry store first and then we'll meet up
with her at the Skewer tonight.
I've got everything
planned."
"Don't you think you're too young to get married?" Billy asked.
"Not at all. We're graduating this year. After that, then what?"
"College?"
"I'm not going to college. Don't need it."
"Where will you live? With your parents?"
"I haven't thought about that yet. I just know I want to marry her."
At that moment, Paul walked up.
"Dude. I've had the shittiest day. All I want to do is get fucked up and
forget about everything."
Feeling sorry for him, Billy offered Paul his half hit of acid.
"You don't want this?"
"Nah. It's all yours."
"Thanks, man!"
-------
Chapter 13
James felt like he only had one thing going for him: he had a car. It wasn't a
nice car, but it was transportation. Before he had a car, no one talked to him,
but as he was a year older than most of the people in his grade, he had a
license and a car first and he'd been driving everyone around since his 16th
birthday. It was the only thing he seemed to have going for him.
Every morning, he drove three neighborhood girls, Lynn, Liz, and Lisa to school
and when they couldn't find a ride home from cheer leading practice, he was
their ride home.
When he wrecked his car a month prior, he thought his life was ruined. The
cheerleaders stopped talking to him and his popularity plummeted. Having no car
forced him to start hanging out with dorks like Brian, Billy, and Paul again.
They didn't carry any status, but at least they weren't using him either.
The good news for James was he would get his car back tonight. Only one more
humiliating walk home and he'd be able to start socializing with cheerleaders
and their friends again. As he walked home with Billy, he thought:
"I am so looking forward to ditching this loser."
-------
Chapter 14
When me, Brian, and Paul got into James’ car, something didn’t seem right to
me. Brian wasn’t thinking about anything other than proposing to Marcy, but he
had to know if all the half-baked ideas he’s ever had, this one took the
half-baked cake award. There was no way Marcy was going to marry him. She’s a
manipulative, bratty foreigner who hates Americans. I couldn’t understand what
he was thinking.
Paul was a mess. He stole a bottle of Hot Damn cinnamon Schnapps from James’
parents liquor cabinet and was getting progressively drunker by the minute. I
just don’t get that guy. He used to be the smartest person in our grade. Then
he got mono, missed half a school year, and never cared since. He used to be
the guy who walked around the halls holding a Bible and inviting people to
church. Now the only thing he worships is getting messed up on any substance he
can put in his body. If we were voting a most likely to die young candidate for
our senior class, Paul would win unanimously.
James worries me the most. He’s
quiet and bitter. He was the biggest nerd in school until he lost his temper
with a bully named Danny and beat him half to death with a tire iron. His
mother had to sue the school system just to get him back in a regular public
school. The courts originally decided he should never be allowed back in a
public school, but the decision was overturned. Rumor has it, his psychiatrist
has him loaded up on several potent drugs for his depression, his rage, and
whatever else is bugging him. I used to be able to tell whether he was safe to
be around or if I should avoid him, but ever since he started counseling and
prescriptions for his mental health, he’s been stoned faced and silent. I can’t
read him anymore and that scares me.
“Billy! Are you spacing out? I asked you if we need to go anywhere before we
head out to the Beaches.”
“Yeah. Sorry. I need to pick up my paycheck at Taco Bell and drop by Publix to
cash it. Is that cool?” Billy asked.
“Not a problem.” James said. “I’ll take you guys anywhere you need to go.”
------
Chapter 15
I guess the acid kicked in on Paul while we were at the jewelry store in the
mall, because he went from acting like a drunken idiot to a crazy idiot. He
kept whining about being rejected by everyone, even us, his closest friends.
He stared intently at the diamond shaped gray marble tiles, tracing his feet
slowly over the patterns he imagined in his mind. Yet, as much as he tried to
distance himself from the rejection he was feeling at home and from the school
system, the combination of drugs and alcohol he consumed seemed to trap him
inside all of the worst feelings he'd normally suppress.
He staggered, shuffling his feet, and mumbling nonsensical conversations with
himself. I kept telling him jokes, I kept trying to cheer him up, but nothing
was working. He was profoundly isolated.
As Brian finished his purchase, the
jeweler wished him good luck, shook his hand, and pointed at Paul, advising to
get him out of the mall before he called the police. When Brian, James, and I
looked back, Paul was leaning face first into a mirror near the Rolex display
and sobbing.
We grabbed Paul and led him back to the car. Brian was furious. James was
laughing. I was indifferent. I had absolutely no feeling for anything he was
going through. All of his problems were his own doing and rather than try to
make the best of his situation, he just wanted someone to feel sorry for him.
As we were leaving the mall, we had some time to kill, so we took Paul to the
park. We thought maybe since he was acting like a mopey child, spinning him on
the merry go round would get him laughing like one. Instead, he started
screaming "STOP! STOP!!!!" While James, with a maniacal look on his
face kept spinning him faster and faster until Paul started vomiting uncontrollably,
spaying puke in all directions hitting James multiple times with his spray.
Angry, James decided it was time to call it a night. Jumped in his car and
drove off leaving us stranded at night on a children's playground with a drunk,
tripping Paul who now could add vertigo to his woes.
Paul was now even more isolated than before. Plus, our ride was gone.
-----
Chapter 16
"Well, I guess it's time to walk home and call it a night." I said
while brushing Paul's lunch from my shirt.
"No. I have got to get to the club." Brian said. "Let's walk
back to my house, put on some fresh clothes, and I'll borrow my mom's car.
"That is a horrible idea. But OK. Beats staying home on a Friday
night."
Although Brian was old enough to drive, he didn't have a license due to an
incident one year ago. At 18 years old and being a senior in high school, it
was absolutely humiliating for him not having a valid driver's license.
(1 year earlier)
"Hey Brian! There's a party tonight at Marcy's." James said.
"Who is Marcy?"
"She's this hot goth chick who just moved here from England. I think we're
gonna hook up."
"What's she like?"
"I don't know. Haven't met her yet. Yet."
"But you're going to hook up?"
"Hell yeah! She loves me. I can already tell."
"You're delusional."
"I'm an optimist and a realist..."
".. but there's just one problem. She lives in Mandarin and we need a
car."
"That's cool. I'm sure my mom will drop us off."
"Dude! You don't have your mom drop you off at a party if you're hooking
up with hot chicks."
"I wouldn't know. I've never scored."
"Don't worry, little boy. Someday, you'll be a man."
---
Chapter 17
"So if we can't ask my mom to drop us off and we don't know anyone with a
car who is going to the party, how are we getting there?"
"Your dad won't get home until late, right? And when he gets home, he'll
probably be drunk and passed out on the couch."
"Probably."
"Your mom will be so pilled up, she'll be asleep before 9."
"Don't remind me."
"We'll wait for your mom to pass out and your dad to bolt, and then we'll
borrow her car. Simple, really."
"This is a horrible idea."
"We'll be fine. You know how to drive, right?"
"No. But I'm willing to learn."
"Why don't you have your license yet anyway?"
"Just lazy, I guess."
--------
Chapter 18
Brian and James sat in Brian's bedroom playing video games while waiting for
Brian's parent’s normal Friday night ritual to play out. Brian's dad ate a
microwaved Hungry Man dinner while watching his wife wash down a cocktail of
pain pills with a glass of wine. She claimed to have an old back injury that
forced her out of work, but no one remembered a time when she worked, so it was
assumed she was just getting loaded every night. It was like watching someone
botch a suicidal overdose routinely.
After taking her pain cocktail, Brian's mom complained about how her back was
hurting, told her husband she was sleepy and going to bed early, kissed him on
the cheek, walked into her bedroom, and turned out the lights.
Hearing her bedroom door shut, James smiled and said:
"One down. One to go."
---
Chapter 19
Brian and James waited impatiently for the sounds of Brian's dad to leave the
house. But those sounds never came. Instead, they heard his dad restlessly
puttering around the kitchen and the den.
When Brian walked out to check on
him, his dad was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette, drinking a can of
beer, and gazing off into some unknown horizon.
"Are you OK, dad? You going out tonight?"
"I don't know. Maybe. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Your mother wants a divorce. I don't know what I'm going to do."
Brian wasn't shocked by this. His mother had asked for a divorce before, but
they stayed together, not out of love, but because it was so much easier to
stay together. They were too lazy to break up and too poor to pay for a lawyer.
Their bad marriage was turning her into a pill addict and him into an
alcoholic. Brian honestly felt nothing when his dad spoke of divorce anymore.
"You guys always say that."
"Yeah. But I met someone awhile back. Your mother just found out."
"How'd she find out?"
"She found out when I got a letter requesting a DNA test for a possible
paternity suit. You might have a baby half brother."
----
Chapter 20
"So what are you going to do, dad?"
"I'm going to start driving 48 states again. Divorce and child support
ain't cheap. Good thing you're almost 18. I won't have to pay for you. But I'm
not going to be around much, so you're going to need to learn how to drive, get
a job, and get on your feet. Your mother isn't worth a shit. She won't support
you. Hell, you're almost 18 and you still don't know how to drive."
"Because no one will teach me! You're never home and mom is always
wasted."
Brian's dad stood up, walked to the key rack in the kitchen, grabbed the keys to
his wife's car, and tossed them to his son.
"Teach yourself, kid. I need some privacy. Take your friend, your mother's
car, and get out of here for the night."
-----
Chapter 21
It wasn't my best night at Marcy's party. I was sure me and Marcy were going to
hook up, but I wasn't thinking straight. I got a little nervous and so I took
my meds a little early to level out. That would have worked, but as soon as I
got to the party, I started doing shots without thinking you can't mix
antidepressants with alcohol and not pay the price. I was outside puking in the
bushes for what felt like hours. I laid down and felt so weak. I just wanted to
die.
When I woke up, some girl was shaking me and asking if I was OK. I told her I
was and I staggered back up to the house to see James and Marcy sitting
together. I knew I'd blown my shot without having even met her. I walked around
to Brian's car, crawled in the backseat, and went to sleep. When I woke up, it
was about 4 AM. Brian was frantically starting up the car and flooring it over
100 MPH in a residential neighborhood. There was a cop car following us but the
lights weren't on.
"What's going on?"
"Marcy's dad came home to house trashed and me and her naked on his couch.
He told me he was going to kill me."
"Is he a cop?"
"Sort of. He's an MP in the Navy."
"We're not on a Navy base."
"No, but we're next to one and he has a gun and a stick and friends in the
local police department."
As we were flying down a long straight away, Brian misjudged a sharp turn and
put his mother's car right into the front lawn of a red brick house. The car
fish tailed on the lawn, narrowly missed an oak tree, clipped a corner of the
house, and finally got hung up in their bushes. Marcy's dad turned on his
police lights and called in backup.
Brian had no license and I had a criminal record. We were beyond screwed.
----
Chapter 22
Paul laid on the merry go round staring at the sky and praying to some unseen
God to please kill him. He was dizzy, drunk, and tripping all rolled into one
and nauseated beyond all conceivable sickness after spinning on the merry go
round when he remembered he had a small baggy of weed and rolling papers in his
pockets. Hoping it would cure the nausea, he rolled a joint and smoked it alone
while staring at the night time sky late at night on a playground. It was all
too surreal. This was his first night of homelessness and his friends had
already abandoned him. It was at this moment he realized when things get bad,
all the people he cared about were sure to disappear and leave him to fend for
himself. Alone.
"I just wish I was dead. Please
God. If you have any mercy, please kill me tonight. I don't want to live
anymore. This world is complete shit. My life is worthless."
After he finished his smoke, the dizzy
feeling and the nausea started to subside. He stood up, feeling more wasted and
isolated than ever and started walking in the general direction of the beaches,
and not because he knew his friends were going to The Skewer. He walked that
direction because that's where all the other homeless bums hang out and he
hoped one of those guys might give him some advice on how to get by.
---
Chapter 23
James pulled his car over at the side of the road, He rested his head on the
steering wheel and tears began flowing down his cheeks. He'd been over
medicated on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, seizure medications,
stimulants, and a powerful anti-psychosis tranquilizer for years. These
medications never took away his rage, or his confusion, or his tendency to go
from giddy one minute to angry the next, to sad the next. They didn't make him
approachable to people. They didn't change anything but his ability to react.
The rage inside still burned bright, but somewhere between his heart, his
brain, and his hands, the meds broke the ability to relate what he felt on the
inside to outwardly express. What he wanted was to tell everyone to fuck off
and smash the face of anyone who wouldn't go away. But there was the other part
who desperately wanted friends, interaction, and someone to show some empathy
toward how hard and confusing his life was. The medicine could only make him
appear under control superficially while on the inside, he felt his perception
of the world around melting rapidly as it were walls of candle wax held closely
to a bonfire.
He made the decision earlier in the day to forgo his meds. He was going to let
his monster, which had been chained inside for so long, out once more. He would
be aggressive again. He used to be quick witted and funny. How long had it been
since he made a joke or even laughed at one? He couldn't remember. Happiness,
sadness, anger, love, hate: he had been unable to outwardly express any of
these feelings and he knew the medicine was to blame. What he didn't anticipate
was the overwhelming rush of sadness and confusion once his brain realized it
wasn't getting its usual over saturation of candy today. It was going to
have to work on its own and responded with all the worst feelings it could
produce.
James sat at the steering wheel, parked on the shoulder of a busy highway
sobbing. All the feelings he least wanted were waging an all-out assault on his
mind and body, crippling him. He couldn't drive. He couldn't calm down. All he
could do was sob in a way he'd never sobbed before with no medication in sight
and no one to help him get through this moment. He was trapped in a car
isolated in his own mind, with time standing still, soaking in the tears of an
eruption of raw emotion and utter hysteria, confused, desperate.
---
Chapter 24
Lani dropped me off that morning at my parent’s house. We kissed goodbye not
knowing when or even if we’d ever see each other again. Not only did her
parent’s forbid her to see me, but she had big plans in life. She had big plans
that seemed to change every time she spoke of them. Big plans and none of them
included me. She seemed so scattered in her thinking. None of it was linear. It
was if, in her mind, she was going to be some great success with no road
connecting point A to point B. There were details, but they were scattered in
every direction. I could see greatness in her. It illuminated from her, but her
unwillingness to include me or anyone else in her process made me wonder if I
even existed once she was away from me. In her attempts to accomplish a future
result without any focus on the present, did I become a forgotten shadow the
moment I was out of frame? How could she forget the magic that happens when
we’re together? Or is that magic merely a nice diversion until she decides to
resume chasing a carrot the moment I’m away?
But at least she has ambition. I barely have any. My only ambitions are to
write stories and to be with Lani. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about
status. I don’t care about material things. I don’t care about my career. I
don’t care about 99.9% of the people I meet. I care about the experience. I
desire, more than anything, a life rich in experiences both joy and sorrow
without attachment to mundane life. When I die, I want people to remark that
not only did I experience everything life has to offer, both good and bad, but
I came back to share my fruits with everyone who meant something to me. There
is no college diploma in human experience. I’m not writing a thesis on how to
die satisfied. And no employer will hire me because I seem like I observe
things on a deeper level than the average guy. So really, when all is said and
done, I’m little more than a bum, a parasite to the greatness Lani perpetually
pursues.
I watched her drive away wondering how we were going to make this relationship
work knowing she wasn’t thinking along the same terms. Rather, we had our
perfect night together and now she was back to thinking about how she was going
to accomplish something big to make everyone proud of her, never thinking about
herself. She’s not selfish. Her motivation isn’t to attain glory. Instead, she
wants her family to benefit from her success. If she ever becomes a mother and
devotes herself to a child in the same way she devotes herself to her dreams of
making her family proud, she might just grow up to become the best mom who ever
live. At least she would in her child’s eyes.
Marcy would soon be back in England with her mother. I’m sure we’ll pretend we
are going to stay in touch only to never see each other again. She is bound to
meet some guy once she is ready and have a dozen kids with him, her days as a
wild child long forgotten. Julie and Todd are certain to disappear. Wherever
they go, I wish them the best. Brian is destined to be a middle class guy.
He’ll have that house in the suburbs with a wife and two kids. He’ll be happy
as hell to mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, take the kids to the park,
walk the dog, and do all the other boring shit good dads do. Maybe he’ll even
find a wife who pretends to respect him. Paul has a tough road to hoe. I
wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. The guy could have it all, but he seems like
he’s just smart enough to see through all the bullshit to not want to play the
game. I imagine him sitting on his front porch collecting welfare and drinking
himself to death. I hope he doesn’t end up that way, but I’m not hopeful. As
for James, he was dealt the worst hand in our clique. Life problems are one
thing, but not being able to trust your own brain? That is a hell no one should
wish on another person. Finally, there is Billy. The guy who sucks the life out
of the room just by walking in it. Maybe someday he'll grow up to be a
corporate pig or a call center manager or the guy who sits at a desk and signs
his name all day long.
(10 hours earlier on the beach)
“So you want to be a doctor, a
businesswoman, and a model?”
“Yes! Those are my dreams.”
“You ever consider picking one dream and just pursuing that?”
“Everyone in my family is highly successful at something. I want to make them
proud.”
“Who cares what they think?”
“I care! They’re my family. Don’t you care about your family?”
“I guess, but I don’t care what they think of me.”
“I care what mine thinks about me. I love them and they love me and when you
love someone, you care what they think about you.”
“I guess that’s true. I love you…”
We sat there exchanging I love you’s and kisses. She looked into my eyes with a
dreamlike expression. Her eyes normally carried a cross from burdening herself
and allowing no one to share in her suffering. Ever determined to make her way
in this world on her own terms and yet, there was also a certain kindness and
compassion for all around her that was unmistakable. But as she gazed into my
eyes, her burden melted away and she looked at me with the purity of a child:
vulnerable and loving.
“What about you? What do you dream about?”
“Being with you! You’re my dream girl.”
“But beyond that. What about the future?”
“There is no future. There is only now. I live in the present. I soak it all
up, because five minutes
from now, I could be dead.”
“If you don’t do anything about your future now, your future will be no
different from what you’re doing now!”
“And if I worry too much about my future, I’ll never enjoy myself now!”
----
Chapter 25
By the time we changed our clothes and waiting for Brian's mom to pass out, it
was getting late. We were both pretty pissed off at James and Paul for obvious
reasons. Both those guys are completely unreliable. If anything upsets James'
medication, he goes nuts, freaks out, and runs home crying like a little bitch.
Paul is worse. He is the king of self sabotage. He's never had a girlfriend
because the moment a girl shows him some attention, he freaks out and insults
her. I introduced him to my cousin, Rachel, a few months ago because she told
me she thought he was cute and what did he do? When she told him she liked his
glasses, he responded with "I like your braces." Then he huffed and
walked away. Who does that? Idiot.
We arrived to the beach a little late, but we weren't doing as bad as we
thought, so we headed to McDonald's and who did we see? Paul getting literally
pushed out the door by the manager. He started to walk toward the beach when
our other favorite man of the night, James, pulled up to a parking space,
jumped out, and started screaming at Paul. Not thing you know, Paul takes off
his shirt and starts doing the tough guy shuffle. Knowing James is
unpredictable and liable to killed Paul, we jumped out and ran to get between
them before anything bad happened.
"Dude. Just put your shirt on and stop acting like an idiot" Brian
said to Paul while I stood in front of James ready to piss myself. This guy has
a legitimate police record. If he goes nuts, I'm not going to be able to do
much. My knees were shaking when I said "Come on, buddy." It was
really lame. But that was the only thing I could think to say. James just
stared at me. Glaring, then he cracked a smile.
"Come on, buddy?" James said laughing. I started laughing with him.
It had been a long time since I'd seen him laugh. But, yeah. I sounded pretty
dumb right there. So I said it again "Come on, buddy!" And smiled. We
locked up James car and got into Brian's mom's car. Paul shoved Brian out of
the way and started walking toward The Skewer and shouted "Ah! Kicked out
of another fine establishment!"
Brian got in the car and said "I'm kind of glad he doesn't want to ride
the rest of the way with us. He reeks of puke and weed. Dude's a freaking
mess!"
"Forget about him." James said. "He's a fucking disgrace!"
In my mind, I was thinking "So says the guy who has a major emotional
meltdown whenever his meds are late." This reminded me, "James, you
do have your meds, right? Nothing is going to happen tonight, right?"
"Of course not. I'm fine. Just got a little pissed off earlier.
Sorry."
"OK, but if your need anything..."
"I'm fine! Really. Let's go."
----
Chapter 26
(3 months later)
Julie woke up feeling sick. It
wasn't simply her morning nausea or her fear of becoming an unwed teenage
mother, although those factors weighed heavily upon her. It was the recovery
process that tore at her heart. Recovery in stages, from shock, to grief, to
terror, to anger, to disgust, to the unnatural numbness she currently felt. If
it weren't for the speck of life growing in her womb, she would have no
attachment to the world. She hoped and she prayed the father was Todd, but in
her heart of heart, she knew her child was born of the Devil and not her Angel.
Sometimes she wanted to rage at the injustice she experienced. Sometimes she
wanted to shut everything out and travel far away from the crime, the awful things
she's seen. But on normal days, she took her parent's advice to stay indoors,
eat healthy, read a book, and get some light exercise.
They tried to offer her some relief
from the ugly things she'd seen, but on the inside, there was a nightmare she
could not escape. Perhaps time would eventually heal such wounds, but there had
not been enough time. Not yet. Possibly never.
------
Chapter 27
(17 years later)
I sat on the steps of the main building drawing pictures of people I'd never
seen while wondering about my biological father. I'd never seen him and when I
used to ask my mom what he looks like, she'd tell me to make my angry face and
look in the mirror. Often when I was a child, she'd scold me by saying
"Don't make that face! You look just like your father when you look at me
like that." Then she'd cry and apologize. Sometimes she’d say there was a
slight possibility that even though I look like the monster who raped her,
there was a chance I had a different father. Eventually, I got used to it. I’d
heard all about Todd and Dan as well as her other friends from that time in her
life. I know which man I came from. Todd’s sperm were probably not strong
enough to compete with Dan’s. Crazy people are dominant in this world. That’s
why it’s such a messed up place.
I'm not comfortable being compared to a murderer and rapist. He's not only a
rapist, but the man who raped my mother. The man who beat her within an inch of
her life. The man who stabbed her boyfriend to death. The man who, when I was
3, kidnapped me and held me at gunpoint for several days while he was out
briefly on parole. They say he'll never get out. He had a life sentence, but
murderers, even murdering rapists seldom serve more than five or six years
unless they get in trouble again. Because he shot a police officer during the
standoff when I was kidnapped, they put him away for good.
I don't remember him or the incident. I just know how much my mother hates him
and I understand why. She tells me she loves me, but there are things about me
that terrify her. Her worst fear is that I'll turn out like him. We go to
church often. It's as if I must eternally atone for my genetics. I don't think
it's fair that I'm punished for his sins, but I've given up the protest.
I don't talk much. I think that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. And I get
angry sometimes. Very angry. It scares me. I don't want to be like my father.
Sometimes it feels like fate. Sometimes I think fate is only something that
happens to lazy people. Other times, I feel like I'm swimming against an
impossible current that will wear me out and sweep me away to a place filled
with murderers, kidnappers, and rapists.
I pray about it. I pray real hard. I don't know if it does any good, but I do
it anyway, just in case there is a chance God will give me the strength to not
murder people. Or rape them. Or kidnap their bastard children. I pray God will
make me pure. Make me like my mother who wouldn't hurt a soul. But sometimes,
it seems like the only person who answers my prayers is the Devil.
Prayers, much like much like friendships,
can be imperfect, perfect, or tragic depending on who is speaking and who is
listening.
Chapter 1
