In my early teenage years, I was very involved with my church’s youth group. I was in the drama troop performing corny skits with hard hitting morals like “Don’t be vain” and “Don’t do drugs” and my favorite “If you’re sad, Jesus will magically appear to you and make you happy but first he’ll point out all of your faults and make you feel like a total piece of garbage.” We also had lock ins where we learned that if you have sex before marriage, you’ll not only make God sad, but you’ll get someone pregnant and die of AIDS. We watched video documentaries on why rock and roll music was a thinly veiled introduction into devil worship. We also went on camping trips, to a water slide park, to the beach, and one time to a Benny Hinn revival followed by a trip to Disney World. We were a tight knit bunch. We did everything together. Church was where our social lives began and ended. It made us outcasts at school, but we were taught that God wanted us to be outcasts because all those other kids who thought we were weird didn’t really have God in their lives.
At a certain point, this became woefully unfulfilling. I didn’t care so much about fitting in. I just didn’t like being a religious outcast. I didn’t feel like I belonged to a religion. I feel more like I was a member of a cult. I saw other Christian kids at school who weren’t being taught hard line, paranoid views and was kind of jealous. They didn’t feel threatened by everyone around them. They just hung out and got along with most people. I also liked music and the likes of Petra, Amy Grant, and Lamb just didn’t cut it for me. There was so much good music coming out in the early 90's and I was missing out on it.
I had a girlfriend named Michelle. We weren’t allowed to kiss, hold hands, hug, or go on dates, but somehow, we were boyfriend and girlfriend for nearly two years. At a certain point, I went for broke and kissed her anyway. We both liked it, so we continued on this dangerous path. It all ended when her father heard from one of her friends that I gave his daughter a peck on the lips, so he pulled me aside during a church service, threatened me with physical violence, and forbid me from ever seeing his daughter again. This was pretty tough for me to take as a 15 year old, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited at the prospect of meeting women who might be interested in going beyond clandestine hand holding and lip pecks.
One weekend, two of the older youth leaders invited me, my friend Rob, his sister Sabrina, and a guy named Karl to go witnessing with them. I wasn’t very excited about witnessing. I often got in trouble for not actually talking to people about God and not passing out Bible tracts. I’d usually sneak away and be found a few hours later hanging out with people, making jokes, and having a good time. I didn’t feel like I was sinning. I was letting God work through me. God didn’t need my help. Whether I was smoking a cigarette for the first time, drinking MD 20/20 in an alley with Steve (later known as Chickenboy, but that’s another story), or flirting with non-churchgoing teenage girls, the light was surely shining through me. No? Well, if not, I didn’t care. Witnessing made my skin crawl, but it got me out of the house. So I’d go along for the ride. This time, we were going to Einstein A Go-Go out at Jax Beach. Einstein’s was an all age dance club with its roots in Jacksonville’s original punk scene. In 1991, it was playing music from all the cutting edge acts who would later go on to define the decade’s pop culture and counter culture. I’d been there once before when I was 14, and I got in trouble for going inside and dancing to nearly every song. I liked the people there. As long as I didn’t bring my preachy friends with me, they were very nice to me. Anyway, I was excited to be going to Einstein’s again. Unlike my youth group friends, I wasn’t looking to preach in front of the club. The douchebags from my church could handle that. I just wanted to go inside and dance. Sabrina was with me on it, but Karl and Rob decided if we were going inside, they should accompany us to make sure we really were witnessing and not just dancing to every song like a couple of sinners. David and Victor, the two elder youth leaders would stand at the street corner and preach.
Two hours later, Karl walked up to me and told me I was dancing too much and I shouldn’t be smoking cigarettes. But I was ready for him. I’d just met this beautiful girl named Kristen. She was a few years older than me and in college, but for whatever reason, she’d taken a liking to me. And she had a friend named Beth who was feeling neglected as me and Kristen were getting acquainted. So I ignored Karl’s rebuke and instead introduced him to Beth. You could almost hear a full string section play as their eyes locked. It was love at first sight. An hour later, I was making out with Kristen in one corner, Sabrina had disappeared entirely, Rob went back outside to help David and Victor preach, and Karl was in another corner making everyone in eyeshot uncomfortable as he frantically dryhumped Beth.
I ended up making my youth leaders unhappy by going home with Kristen that night. My parents were under the impression I was out with the church group and didn’t mind me staying out. Rob, David, and Victor all went home disappointed and lonely. Sabrina got high with a group of surfers. And Karl? Well, after he and Beth took their public display of overenthusiastic affection home, we never saw him again. He stopped going to church, but I heard he married Beth a few months later.
Everyone has their priorities and when you fall in love that fast, it’s better than church.
No comments:
Post a Comment